| | So its been way too long since the last time I updated my page... When was the last entry? ah yes... February
Much stuff has happened since February. Since I moved to I-house and since i got involved with ACS, Both kept me occupied other than the heavy loaded course work I was having trouble with during Winter Quarter. I had lots of fun during the span of the 3 months I havent updated Xanga. So right now, (or before) I was studying and reading up on Dynamics and listening to Yiruma. (Horrible thing to do when trying to study). The music made me think of other stuff while reading throught the textbook. I really don't know what i am doing with my life, I cant stress that point enough. Time after time I couldnt see what I truly want to do with my life. So I felt that it was time to buckle down for an hour or so putting my thoughts down on paper (xanga... haha).
So first is love life. Not much of a love life for me. Since i moved into I-house, I loved it! because there were so many cool people. The ratio of male/female is 1:1, so that was super awesome. Once I moved in i started to hang out with the RA, since i knew him (Barry) and a couple of friends i knew in I-House. Then a few weeks later i started to meet more people on the floor. ****Fact: I am really into the whole korean scene, entertainment, culture, food, etc.**** Started to hang out more with girls. There was this one girl, Christina Kim, that seemed to be super nice. Seemed being the key word, because at the time i did not know her well enough to say she is actually nice. so i hanged out with her more and more and she, at the same time was nice to me. Became too friendly and especially nice to me. Within the first.... 4 weeks she told me she had feelings for me. THAT WAS WAY TOO QUICK to tell someone. I was pretty much speechless when she approached me one night saying that. I just sat there, and tried to think of a way of.... saying "i dont feel the same way". But it didnt come out, so I said lets just be friends. AFter that night, thoughts just kept coming into my mind, making myself more interested and more curious about gettign to know her.. and thinking to myself "wat if she was my girl friend? what if she is the one? wat if.. wat if... wat ifs..."
She kept on being exceptionally nice to me, while i was more of less playing along and going with it.
Things started to get out of hand when I dont know why we started to argue. Arguing like how couples would, being mad at each other without telling each other. We are not even going out, so I really dont understand why we were playing those stupid games couples would play when they argue. It was so pathetic. Things started to get worst when (((this is my perspective))) I was too nice to her, and i had to admit i did started to "like" her a bit. To other people it looked like we were going out and dating. but we werent. During this time i had to see if i really do like her and would sacrifice part of my life just for her. I needed to know, so I had to learn who she was and wat she fit for me. These of course are instincts, its cant be labeled as YES or NO. its solely due to feelings.
She have habits of flirting with guys, more of an immature way. She was nag to other guys, being touchy touchy with them while doing that. It totaly made me feel out of line because other people saw that and kinda knew i had some sort of feelings for Christina, but she still did all the flirty, touchy stuff to other guys, so I really felt uncomfortable. As time went on, my feelings for her completely dissapeared and it grew into disgust and dissappointment than anything else. She is still a friend but I just cant stand friends being immature like that.
Towards the point where i started to develop disgust and dissappointment towards Christina, Hyomi Shon started to give me signals. For some odd reason i sense these signals easily. I believe it was around mid-March when Hyomi one day told me to walk with her to the kitchen on the floor, shut the door behind her, and sat me down. It was a very serious setting we were in. she looks at me and tells me with the limited amount of english vocabulary she knew, she told me she had feelings for me, but she just wanted to let me know. Because she is going back to Korea at the end of June, she just wanted me to know before she takes off. I actually also had the same sort of feelings towards her, so i was really happy she did too, but this feeling i had towards her is soooo elementery that I wouldnt consider it REAL FEELINGS. but Hyomi is a person that i am able to make room for possiblities to happen. She has a great personality and i can easily talk with her about things. I like her character, but I know and she knows the relationship wont go anywhere because of the given situation and parameters. So I tried to go out of my way to spend time with her before she goes back to korea. As a friend of course.
so that is the love life part... I still think of Jennifer, STILL from time to time, She is always in the back of my mind. I guess i am still waiting.
Okay, the next part of my entry is to talk about what i want to do in life.
So for all these past years, i wanted to just get a regular, above average paid job and life a happy and easy going life with a beautiful wife and kids right? but What am i doign right now? What should I be doing? Thoughts crossed my mind making me think "hey, maybe I am not built for engineering" "maybe i should be studying along the lines of art" I really dont know what i am truly passionate about, Maybe its engineering? maybe its art and music? I really dont know. I dont know what i can do but to continue studying Engineering only because I already spent close to 3 years already. It would be a waste of time and money if i didnt.
I was watching Cinderella Man (Korean Drama) and fashion really really captures me. Designing really interests me, but I dont think I can becasue i dont have that much inspiration towards its. I could probably excell in something else besides engineering, something I am naturally talented at, something that is purely me and my mind. I am really confused right now. What should i do? until i find out, i have to, have to stick with engineering.
**** end for now.
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| | Posted 6/11/2009 10:10 PM - 7 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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