| | yes, merry christmas to you all.
my christmas eve didnt end in a good note. rather terrible, to tell you the truth. I just finished talking on the phone with her and it just made me sad and heart broken once more.
You can't tell someone that your love for them has changed. you just can't. I know my love for her is still EXACTLY the same as it always was. Because i love her that much, THAT MUCH. so much that i would do almost anything for.
But you can't then say to me, "your love has changed for me". I know I KNOW that my heart and my love haven't changed one bit. I love you still, I Do still, 100%.
Probably the way i talk to you, the way i do things changed but that ONE THING haven't. I KNOW FOR A FACT. theres reason for maybe why i change the way i talk and act. Theres so many things i just dont want to say, but i'll put it in words on a screen.
In the beginning, when i finally said "I LOVE YOU" and you said "I LOVE YOU TOO" it felt soo good. I was in heaven! but then later after 3 or 4 months i then found out you were dating this other guy. YOU never told me anything about that. maybe told me "this guy... this guy... that guy did this, my friend" all those, but i still havent questioned one word about you saying "I LOVE YOU TOO". because i believe and i have faith in US. I lost hope for a little bit when i found out after 3 or 4 months of you dating. But not for long.
You told me that you are just dating him, "dating" him, never ever thinking about loving him whole heartedly. I felt assured that I was still the person she loved. BUT almost a whole year knowing that you've been dating and I helplessly watched it develop my heart ached, my heartbeat would slow down and chilled through my bloodstream. I couldnt take it, i really couldnt, but rest assured I would think about what you said "I am only dating him" telling me to understand.
I really do, I REALLY REALLY do understand everything, i do understand that i should wait. I will wait. I am going to wait. now, almost a whole year. my heart goes numb after the aches. I just had to adjust to the pain i feel everysingle time. I cry and i cry, but there is never anyone to comfort me. So i continue to cry alone.
All this time i still hold onto the love. I changed because of what happened. I really can't help it. I couldn't. helplessly watching you dating makes me TOOOO uncomfortable. I couldnt bear any of it, so unconciously i had to change. I'm sorry, i wish i could changed back to the way i was. but one this is for sure, I still LOVE YOU. Saranghae, Saranghamida.
so please never tell me, that ONE THING changed. please. it really hurts me when you say that. It makes me cry harder. please.... please....
please...
(merry christmas to everyone, to all of you who are single or who are in a relationship)
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| | Posted 12/25/2008 12:18 AM - 2 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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